Codependents are reactionaries. They react and they overreact, but rarely do they make their own choices. They’re driven by other people’s problems and so avoid confronting their own. They tend to victimize themselves as as they are believed to be an easy mark for any form of abuse.

I have been aware of the term 'Codependent' for a long time, but it only recently popped up on my personal radar as something to look into and understand better. Within days of my starting to take an interest in the topic this book was referenced in another I was then reading (Traumata, by Meera Atkinson). A few weeks later I was looking at audiobooks in the local library and spotted this title, so immediately chose it.Suppose you’re not clear or familiar with something like codependency. How could you be aware of negative codependent behaviors and the commonly believed good intentions behind them that may negatively impact relationships? This does not mean the wife is an alcoholic and it does not mean she approves of the alcoholic's behavior. It means that her warped way of coping with that stress actually enables her husband's problem. She might try to ignore the problem, or try to solve the problem herself, or cover up for her husband--but whatever her behavior, she is actually taking responsibility for his behavior or her shoulders. She is an enabler--she makes it easy for him to be an alcoholic. When the problem gets worse and worse and the wife doesn't understand why, she's bound to feel hopeless, helpless, angry, stressed and probably bitter.

You can find a wide spectrum of people who run through life without a compass, always seeking comfort and approval. Different theories exist about what causes this obsession to surface, but we are interested in more than just theories. First, you have to understand the group of people that is prone to this way of life. They exhibit insecure submissiveness and, almost always, you can see them prioritize their feelings. Being dependable is a good thing in relationships, but like all things, there is a balance. How much do you give to your partner, and how much do your wants and needs remain a priority?I also learned that I need to detach myself from the people in my life that cause me harm…emotionally, physically, doesn’t matter… For individuals who are struggling with religion, higher powers, spirituality, or the term God as Him - like me - may struggle with parts of this book. Or maybe individuals who are set in their beliefs, and it doesn't include God as Him. You have learned that you will never learn everything there is to know," he replied. " And you have learned how to stop the pain".”

Some of the examples they share of codependent behaviors describe both dependable and codependent behaviors. For example, “Two people rely on each other for support and love. Both find value in the relationship.” That is good. I release myself from worry, guilt and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it. Melody believes that emotional, mental, and spiritual health can never be taught. The only thing you can do actually to motivate a person or to encourage them is to take certain actions. I have preferred Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction for better coverage of this topic. I'm also keen to read Leslie Irvine's Codependent Forevermore, which is an even-handed critique of CoDA and the recovery moment in general. I don’t need someone to blame. I realize I would give my opinion unsolicited, telling my ex what she could or should do at work when she was promoted into a management position. I recognized “a need” for the communication and management skills I’d been reading about. Wrong. I don’t know what she needed to experience in her journey.

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I was first introduced to the term "codependent" by my therapist a little over a year ago. I remember being flabberghasted. "NOT ME! I'm the most financially independent woman there is. I don't need a man or anyone for that matter!" When we believe lies and obsess about other people, we love touch with ourselves, our emotions, and out intuition. We lose touch with what we know is true." Feel insecure and often guilty when it comes to spending money on their basic needs or doing some other stuff for their pleasure. Detaching does not mean we don't care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy. p 62,63 Melody argues that codependents are not even aware that the atmosphere surrounding them radiates their addiction.